Sunday, February 07, 2010

10 Second Movie Reviews, Vol. 3

More reviews. And more spoilers. So don’t read beyond THIS point if you don’t want to find out that Adam Sandler doesn’t die in “Funny People”.

The Boat That Rocked (2009) - This could have been great. A “dramatic re-creation” of the Radio Caroline story. They should have made it a straight retelling of the saga instead of this lame fictionalization of it. It kind of sucked.

Overnight (2003) - Documentary about the biggest asshole in the film business. Troy Duffy struck Hollywood gold and got his movie made ("The Boondock Saints"), but he alienated so many important people by being a dick that he blew his shot and ended up in movie jail for a decade. Finally this year they let him direct the sequel. Let's see how he fucks this chance up.

Julia (2008) - Tilda Swinton is showcased in a fearless performance as a desperate kidnapper. With a huge drinking problem. Which makes her even more fun. Especially if you’re turned on by slutty drunken ginger scarecrows.

Doubt (2008) - Great fucking drama, but really, how can you go wrong with Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, AND Philip Seymour Hoffman in the same goddamned movie? Streep and Adams teamed up again in 2009 in "Julie & Julia", a tale of two woman who like food.

Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Ridiculously overrated rags-to-riches (literally) story. OK, so you're poor and your whole life leads up to your winning a game show, we GET it!

My Dinner with Andre (1981) - I tried, I really did, to stay awake during this film because it was so highly rated and I like Mamet. It ended up being the most boring film I've watched since "Revolutionary Road". Fuck Andre and his fucking restaurant!

Revolutionary Road (2008) - Kids, don't get married!…or you might end up like Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in this 50s-based snooze fest. The good news is she croaks in the end. Leo finally gets his revenge on Kate for ending up like a human popsicle in “Titanic”.

RockNRolla (2008) - I kind of hate to admit it, but I fuckin’ LOVE Guy Ritchie movies! Well, except for “Sherlock Holmes”…that kinda sucked.

Funny People (2009)
- It would have been a much better movie if it were true. And if Adam Sandler didn’t get cured of his supposedly fatal illness. Yes, I hate that guy.

Antichrist (2009) - Lars von Trier’s joyful tale about a charming couple and their precocious yet clumsy toddler. See what happens when the adorable little tyke decides to explore the world outside his crib. Heartwarming entertainment for the entire family!

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